No Sex on First Date?

DATE DILIGENTLY

By Stephen Wilson

Russian official would like to ban sex on first date!

 

MOSCOW -- On the 8th of May, a Russian minister Mizulina announced in public, her

intention to introduce a new law which would effectively ban Russians from

having sex on their first date. The purported intention is to preserve

the moral purity of the Russian people. According to a document drawn up by

two politicians , a Russian who unwittingly succumbed to their animal instincts

would face a hefty fine and if they persisted, would be subject to a prison

sentence. Special state dating agencies would be established to regulate

and keep an eye on those who had signed up . So applicants who wish to

date candidates must fill in special application forms and will be issued with

special coupons. 'Intimate relations' will only be allowed after 7 or 8 dates

which amounts to approximately 40-45 days ! Dates will be allowed to take place

in special control zones . Platonic and proper love will be encouraged.

Why do we need such strongly enforced laws ? Mizulina states that Russian

moral relationships have been tarnished by pernicious western influence.

People from the west have been coming over to Russia encouraging women to

hop into any bed on their first date. To this, many expats respond with : "We should

be so lucky".

It all sounds like an amusing joke. However, those members of the Duma have

been proposing such eccentric measures for years. Their attitude to sex reminds me

of a joke told to me in Ireland : "that the Pope is not only against sex before marriage

but after it ".The lines from children in the film "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ' come to mind

when a girl says : "If he kisses her , he will have to marry her ".

A prudish view on sex is not new here. Many years ago there was even an attempt to

ban people from kissing in the metro as it offended old people. Those proposals never

came to anything. If you watch the old Soviet films from the 1940's you will

notice how some young woman become shocked when a male dares to kiss her. The

girl is extremely shocked and either faints and runs away.

How on earth would you go about enforcing this law? Do patrol men walk up to a

dating couple who are embracing and kissing , interrupt them and ask : "Is this your

first date ? " And if they answer : "No , it is our ninth date " will he reply : "then that is

okay! Just checking ! Go ahead ! "

Did this ever happen in the Soviet Union? In fact, it did! An exhibition at a museum

featuring 'Legends of Parks In Moscow in 2015', in Moscow , informed visitors that

there were patrols of young pioneers walking around the parks who reported young couples

making love to the authorities for 'immoral behaviour'. So there was indeed such 'moral

policing' of sex in the 1930's . And at present, in Chechnya , young women who are viewed

as behaving promiscuously have been not only punished but murdered.

George Orwell's novel '1984' about a dictatorship where the state punishes people for

'Sex crime' now appears to be not so far fetched or absurd as if first appeared. Orwell's

work has proved prophetic ! So maybe if you go on a first date in Russia and your partner

suggests sex it is better to answer tactfully : "I prefer to have a cup of tea than have sex."

Just say this mantra on seven dates and on the next one you might get lucky. If you get

used to drinking Earl Grey Tea!